Time to Take a Hard Look in the Mirror

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here. I don’t want to make excuses. I don’t.

My last post was on Sept. 5. Prior to that day and the couple of weeks following that day, I had been experiencing feelings of jealousy, envy and distrust – basically a recipe for disaster signaling major control issues. It was all-consuming and life ruining. I was afraid of being hurt.

And then I had a hard realization.

My fear of being hurt was actually preventing me from being happy. And it could make me lose something close to me, essentially pushing those I loved away. It was turning me into a person that I wasn’t. Worried, anxious… gone were the days where I was all sunshine and happy thoughts. So I took a hard look at myself and decided I needed to admit a few things to, well, myself.

I decided I need to change my outlook and perspective. Falling back on the ultimate trust I knew I had and letting go. I took action and made the choice to change. And just to be sure I kept it going (to make something a habit, they say you have to do it for at least 21 days), I knew I needed to keep track and give myself constant reminders.

Today is the 40th day I’ve kept up with my positive attitude, trusting others completely, letting go of the control that I felt I needed to keep my life from spinning out of control. And can I tell you something, as hard as it is to “let it go,” my life and relationships haven’t been this good in months.

Don’t get me wrong. I still give myself those reminders and have to remember how much better I am and truer to the person I know I am by staying strong and believing in myself and others.

I’ll catch you up on what’s been on my mind/going on in my life these last two months too, but I had to get this off my chest. It’s the reason I wasn’t posting anything because I needed all my energy to focus on me. I hope you understand.

We all need a little time every once in a while.

<photo credit: mine – sunset in Mexico>

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Learn, Grow and Adjust

On Sept. 15, 2009 I wrote a blog post on 35 Things To Do Before I’m 35. I learned about making such a list from a blog I’m fairly obsessed with, Stratejoy, and had a lot of fun creating it. I’m a firm believer in being flexible with yourself. And what I learned at a recent two-day work retreat business meeting (more on that later), was that people change/grow all the time.

So after a year and seven months, I know I’m not the same person now as when I created this list, so it’s time to take another look and adjust. Because what may have seemed important to me then, may not now, and that’s okay.

Do you have a list? Have you looked at it and adjusted? It’s liberating. Try it.

35 Things To Do Before I’m 35

1. Buy my own place – completed June 2009

2. Go skydiving

3. One big international trip a year – Ireland in 2009, no international trip in 2010, but did travel in 2010 to: San Antonio, Hollywood/Los Angeles, 2 trips to Washington, D.C., Austin, Madison, Indianapolis, Aspen, Pittsburgh, Columbia, MO and 2 trips to St. Louis)

4. Go to South by Southwest to mingle with bloggers and social media addicts – completed March 2010

5. Start my own social media marketing company

6. Hike all of at least one Colorado 14er (that’s a mountain above 14,000 feet elevation!)

7. Learn to snow shoe and go during the winter season – completed March 19, 2011

8. Run a 10K race at least once every year – Bolder Boulder 10K May 2008, Fans on the Field 10K September 2009, Platte River Half Marathon 13.1 miles March 2010

9. Get married and have a family

10. Go on an annual trip with my girls from college – Chicago August 2007, Lake of the Ozarks September 2008, St. Louis/Kansas City June and September 2009, Columbia/St. Louis October and December 2010, New Orleans July 2011

11. Complete my family tree with as many pictures as possible – have started this

12. Visit the seven Wonders of the World

13. Vacation in a place like Bora Bora where you stay in a hut above the crystal blue water

14. Paint my own piece – completed January 2011

15. Be recognized as a Forty Under 40 winner in Denver – Change to: Take on a more minimalist lifestyle decreasing the number of possessions I have, and focus more on relationships and experiences

16. Visit the Grand Canyon and Mount Rushmore

17. Throw a spooky Halloween party

18. Start a personal and professional blog – completed Sept. 13, 2009

19. Get a dog

20. Go backpacking in the Rocky Mountains

21. Learn how to make sushi

22. Take a photography class

23. Save $50,000 in savings

24. Read the autobiographies/biographies of key figures in our nation’s history including Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King and Thomas Edison

25. Make a Thanksgiving dinner all on my own

26. Read Jane Austen classics including Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, Emma, and Persuasion.

27. Tour the Napa Valley wine country with my family – planned for October 2011

28. Plant and grow a vegetable garden

29. Make my own pottery

30. Go with a group of friends on a house boat trip to Lake Powell

31. Volunteer at the Denver Art Museum or Denver Museum of Nature & Science

32. Take an art history class – Change to: Learn about different forms of art by visiting local art galleries and determine what art style I prefer

33. Cut and donate my hair to Locks of Love – still growing 🙂

34. Write a poem

35. Host a wine, chocolate and cheese tasting party

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What Have You Failed At?

Someone in my life, who I value their opinion more than others, provided some tremendous inspiration by kicking my butt into gear. The truth is that in the last month or so, I’ve gone back and forth on running a half-marathon. It’s not something I ever wanted to do, ever thought about doing and isn’t even on my life list.

But when I saw a 5280 Magazine e-alert telling me about the Platte River Half-Marathon being the easiest (if a half marathon can ever be called easy) half marathon in Colorado, I was intrigued. Mainly flat along the river and ending at The Buckhorn Exchange, I got the feeling that if it wasn’t this year, I would probably never attempt it.

So taking my own advice to live life to the fullest, I registered. I’m nervous, scared and afraid of failing. The 10-week training program I’m following is pretty unreal and I’m running more than I ever have in my life. That brings me to this inspirational, kick-in-the-butt chat I was given.

The person who gets me more than any other says: “Meredith, what have you failed at? If you’re not failing, you’re not doing enough. Go for something that you might fail at. The people who are fearless are the ones that could fail, but they’re also the ones that really do it.”

Honestly, I couldn’t answer the question of what I’ve failed at. Does that mean I’m just amazing and am good at everything? Heck no! It means I don’t LIVE. It means I always play it safe and never strive for the stars for fear of falling to try and reach them.

Well thanks for the pep-talk, coach. I’m in the game and I’m going for it. So, half marathon here I come. I might not be able to jog the entire way, I might not be able to finish it entirely, but I’m going for it . I’m going to try.

So, what have you failed at?

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35 Things To Do Before I’m 35

My last blog post mentioned my feeling of reaching my quarter life crisis at the age of 26 and as a result, deciding 2009 was the year for self discovery. One blog that I’ve been reading that has been a source for inspiration, ideas and that reminds me I’m not alone in my quest is Stratejoy.

One thing the women at Stratejoy talk about are life lists including 35 things to do before turning 35. After careful consideration and thinking, I would like to share 35 things I want to do before I’m 35. Keep in mind some of these things have been completed since making my stand to discover myself in 2009.

What are your 35 things? Thinking about this made me realize what is possible and that though everyone may have daily stresses (work, bills, etc.), we should never lose sight of the bigger picture… to truly LIVE life!

1. Buy my own place (completed June 2009)

2. Go skydiving

3. One big international trip a year (so far… Ireland in 2009)

4. Go to South by Southwest to mingle with bloggers and social media addicts

5. Start my own social media marketing company

6. Hike all of Colorado’s 14er mountains (that’s every mountain above 14,000 feet!)

7. Learn to snow shoe and go during the winter season

8. Run a 10K at least once every year (so far… Bolder Boulder in 2008, Fans on the Field in 2009)

9. Get married and have a family

10. Go on an annual trip with my girls from college (so far… Chicago in 2007, Lake of the Ozarks in 2008, St. Louis/Kansas City in 2009)

11. Complete my family tree with as many pictures as possible (have started this)

12. Visit the seven Wonders of the World

13. Vacation in a place like Bora Bora where you stay in a hut above the crystal blue water

14. Paint my own piece

15. Be recognized as a Forty Under 40 winner in Denver

16. Visit the Grand Canyon and Mount Rushmore

Photo courtesy of lasvegas4vipusa.com

17. Throw a spooky Halloween party

18. Start a personal and professional blog (one down, one to go)

19. Get a dog

20. Go backpacking in the Rocky Mountains

21. Learn how to make sushi

22. Take a photography class

23. Save $50,000 in savings

24. Read the autobiographies/biographies of key figures in our nation’s history including Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King and Thomas Edison

25. Make a Thanksgiving dinner all on my own

26. Read Jane Austen classics including Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, Emma and Persuasion.

27.  Tour the Napa Valley wine country with my family

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia

28. Plant and grow a vegetable garden

29. Make my own pottery

30. Go with a group of friends on a house boat trip to Lake Powell

31. Volunteer at the Denver Art Museum or Denver Museum of Nature & Science

32. Take an art history class

33. Cut and donate my hair to Locks of Love

Photo courtesy of Locks of Love

34. Write a poem

35. Host a wine, chocolate and cheese tasting party

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On the road to self discovery

At the beginning of every year, people make New Year’s resolutions. Well, we’re almost 3/4 of the way through 2009, how are you doing in achieving yours?

My goal for this year was to truly discover the person I’m supposed to be. Not an easy task, I know. By nature I’m a people pleaser, so when it came to making my New Year’s resolutions, I set out to achieve a couple lifestyle goals.

First, I wanted to buy my own place. As of late June, I am a proud home owner and couldn’t be more thrilled. I must say it’s already been quite the learning experience, making decisions on my own and designing this space. For anyone who knows, buying a place and even moving into a new one, can be a long process. Though, I can honestly say it’s something I’m enjoying doing everyday.

Second, I wanted to travel. Now, this has been something I’ve said I wanted to do for the last four years. Recognizing this, I decided to stop the pattern of talking the talk and not walking the walk. I concluded that planning to go on one big international trip a year, made traveling across the globe a realistic goal and something to always look forward to. This year, I went on a trip to Ireland with my great friend Abbey. It’s the picture you see at the top of my blog and is just the beginning of my international adventures.

Finally, and not in the least bit a small goal, is to discover me. Figure out what I like, don’t like, and ultimately, learn what makes me happy. This goal is sparked by what some people call a “quarter life crisis.” Yes, similar to a mid-life crisis, a quarter life crisis is the idea that when people reach the age of 25, or around there, they come to a place in their life where they’re just not sure what they want to do. Well, 2009 is where that stops for me because I’m making it a goal to figure it all out. One moment at a time.

What are your New Year’s resolutions? Hope you’re on your way like I am.

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