It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here. I don’t want to make excuses. I don’t.
My last post was on Sept. 5. Prior to that day and the couple of weeks following that day, I had been experiencing feelings of jealousy, envy and distrust – basically a recipe for disaster signaling major control issues. It was all-consuming and life ruining. I was afraid of being hurt.
And then I had a hard realization.
My fear of being hurt was actually preventing me from being happy. And it could make me lose something close to me, essentially pushing those I loved away. It was turning me into a person that I wasn’t. Worried, anxious… gone were the days where I was all sunshine and happy thoughts. So I took a hard look at myself and decided I needed to admit a few things to, well, myself.
I decided I need to change my outlook and perspective. Falling back on the ultimate trust I knew I had and letting go. I took action and made the choice to change. And just to be sure I kept it going (to make something a habit, they say you have to do it for at least 21 days), I knew I needed to keep track and give myself constant reminders.
Today is the 40th day I’ve kept up with my positive attitude, trusting others completely, letting go of the control that I felt I needed to keep my life from spinning out of control. And can I tell you something, as hard as it is to “let it go,” my life and relationships haven’t been this good in months.
Don’t get me wrong. I still give myself those reminders and have to remember how much better I am and truer to the person I know I am by staying strong and believing in myself and others.
I’ll catch you up on what’s been on my mind/going on in my life these last two months too, but I had to get this off my chest. It’s the reason I wasn’t posting anything because I needed all my energy to focus on me. I hope you understand.
We all need a little time every once in a while.
<photo credit: mine – sunset in Mexico>