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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Finished another of the Emily Giffin book series titled, “Love The One You’re With.” It’s easy reading, but I appreciated the last few sentences of the book about love. This Thursday is Valentine’s Day — one of the top commercial holidays — but a reminder to express your love to those closest to you. Hope it’s a day we all take to not only appreciate those around us, but to give ourselves some much needed love, appreciation, and ‘me’ time!

Just as I decided never to confess…how close I came to losing everything. Instead, I hold that day deep within myself, as a reminder that love is the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that bind us together.”

I want to underline the point that struck true for me:

Love is

the sum of our choices,

the strength of our commitments,

the ties that bind us together.”

Yep!

Sunrise

Denver Sunrise (photo is my own)

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One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to finish reading a couple book series. One of these series is written by Emily Giffin. She’s the author behind a five book series that all got started with “Something Borrowed,” made into a film with Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin. The third novel in the series is “Baby Proof.”

 

It’s one of those tales that makes you realize how true love can defeat anything. Not right away maybe, but it usually wins out in challenging, difficult situations eventually. It doesn’t necessarily makes sense, but like the age-old saying, “if it’s meant to be, it will be.”

 

Without realizing that I was getting this type of true love reinforcement throughout the book, only until the end did it click for me and made me reflect back on my own love life. So without giving away the ending, here are some of the moments in the book that now looking back strike me as hitting the nail right on the ‘love’ head.

I shake my head and say, “I can’t have a baby just to get Ben back.”

“Well then,” he says slowly. “I guess he’s not your soul mate…So that should be a consolation when you’re looking up their future marathon results.”

“Why do you say that?” I ask, feeling oddly defensive. As much as I want to feel okay about Ben in the present, I don’t like the implication that what we had wasn’t, at one time, the real thing.

“Well, because,” Ethan says, “you’d do anything to get a soul mate back, right?…I mean, that’s the nature of soul mates. You know, Romeo and Juliet swallowed poison to be together…So if Ben were really the one for you, don’t you think you’d go ahead and have his baby?”

Excellent point.

Essentially, he was just saying what we’ve all heard a million times — love conquers all.

The most basic, yet often forgotten, principle.

“I realized, almost in an instant, that I no longer bought all the propaganda about relationships ending because of bad timing and incompatibility and outside influences, like wanting or not wanting a baby. A baby is huge — it doesn’t get much bigger than that — but so is religion and age and geography and being married to other people and feuding houses and so many other seemingly insurmountable factors that couple encounter and defeat when love is true.” …

But more likely it’s because she’s finally in the kind of sincere relationship where you follow your own gut about things rather than polling your friends at every turn.

A friend once asked me why I don’t ever vent about my boyfriend with our girlfriends. Without ever thinking about it before, I told her that if there’s something that bothers me, I just talk to him about it. It doesn’t make me feel better to talk about it with friends. The other thing is that I’ve known my boyfriend longer than the majority of my friends, so I can talk to him as my boyfriend and best friend.

We will likely be asked to tell it again tonight. I’m sure we will roll our eyes and say, “Again?” while secretly relishing every part of the story — our story… Perhaps I will imbue it with the literary significance that was never lost on me: There we were in O. Henry’s booth, playing out our own version of the “Gift of the Magi.” Each of us willing to give up something for the other, for love.

Having met my soul mate so young in life, our love has often been questioned, misunderstood, not taken as seriously in the eyes of others. For the longest time, that bothered me. A few years ago, having our own time apart, nothing was more clear to me that our love was worth it. That confidence, in knowing, is all I needed to no longer care what others say or think. We’re building our story our way, and there’s something pretty cool about that.

Have you learned any lessons in love and relationships?

 Baby Proof

The GIft of the Magi

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2 Months, 2 Days

I just told you where my head’s been at from August to mid-September, but there’s also been something else weighing on my mind and in my life, also contributing to my sense of lack of control and fighting all these internal emotions going on. Also, why I haven’t been able to write on my blog.

On August 14th (15 days after our entire family flew to Pittsburgh to celebrate his 87th birthday), my Grandpa found out he had 3-6 months to live. He’d been battling colon and liver cancer, doing multiple treatments and on that fateful day, his doctor told him that the treatments weren’t working and there was nothing more that could be done. His doctor told him that he probably had 3-6 months left.

Quite the harsh reality. And life-changing on so many levels.

My Grandpa has always been the rock of our family. Never sick. Didn’t even take any other pills except for a multi-vitamin, fish oil and iron, at the age of 87! So when I say it was a harsh reality, that doesn’t even begin to describe how he felt.

Well, on Oct. 16th, I got a call from my Mom that I’d been dreading for years. My Grandfather has passed away. Calmly and as peaceful as one can. He had gone to heaven. 2 months and 2 days after getting the news that his life had a time limit placed on it.

It’s been very difficult. And if you’ve lost someone close to you, you know too how long the grieving process can take. I think about him everyday. And have a feeling I always will.

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Co-habitation?

Advice for anyone co-habitating with the one they love… some good insight from those who’ve traveled the road ahead of the rest of us written by Doniree, a blogger I’ve come across and quite enjoy her posts.

Some of the key things that stood out to me:

  • The importance of carving out time together that goes beyond just the day-to-day
  • Split the chores
  • Do your own thing sometimes (careful not to lose yourself)
It’s a good article and reminder for those on the journey together.

 

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BettyConfidential.com wrote a summary of an interview The Huffington Post did with Dan Savage (sex advice columnist, gay activist and founder of the It Gets Better Project). In it, Dan gives some amazing relationship advice. Advice I think is only learned from a perspective earned.

Here are the key points I want to share, but you can read the full article if you’d like.

In Dan’s own words…

“I think the best thing for you to do is just live your life. Live a life that’s worth living, one where you do what you want to do, pursue your passions. That way, if you meet someone, they’ll be joining a life that’s already really good. And if you don’t meet anyone, you can still look back at the end and say, ‘You know what: I lived a really great life…

Life doesn’t owe you anything, and I think it’s up to all of us to go out and create a fulfilling life for ourselves. Like, my husband Terry, he left the house an hour ago. We have a life together. But if he never comes back, I still need to have something here, a life of my own, one that’s fulfilling in itself.”

And here in BettyConfidential’s own words. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

We must not allow ourselves to be completely defined by our relationships, by our point in space and time only relative to someone else’s point in space and time…

When I think of all the time I spent pursuing or worrying about being pursued or flirting with guys into pursuing me so I could immediately lose interest or having my heart broken or agonizing over relationships or wishing I was single when I wasn’t and wishing I was part of a “whole” when I wasn’t … aughhh!

That’s all I can say: Aughh.

And now, when I see my single friends, or my younger friends and sisters, and how much TIME and ENERGY they devote to their boyfriends, girlfriends or lack thereof … how many Facebook status updates have to do with their boyfriends, girlfriends or lack thereof … I want to tell them the same thing. Yes, of course relationships are important. Yes, of course you want to find love and happiness, yes, of course you want your boyfriend to fulfill some part of you and your girlfriend to call you back … BUT WHAT ELSE?

What else is important and meaningful in your life? What else fulfills you? How much do you love and respect yourself, as is, through only your eyes and no one else’s?…

And find a mate I eventually did – for life (I hope). I’ve grown up a lot, of course, as we tend to do. But when I became a mother and got married, I was still figuring out who I was. I never made time for myself to just BE. And it’s been a long, long road to finding some kind of comfortable place of being together with someone without completely merging into an identity of “us.” I’m happily married (though it’s not like a 24/7 state of peaceful bliss, right honey?)… but there’s more to me than my marriage; there’s more to my husband than our marriage – and that’s how it should be. It keeps our relationship stronger.

And if we ever did get divorced, which I don’t think we will, but if we did – I really hope that my whole sense of self would not disappear with that loss. I’m taking a good look at my life right now to make sure of it.”

I love this! I’ve learned this type of perspective/advice the hard way through heartache and serious inner reflection, which was both painful and eye-opening to experience. To value yourself is hard to remember and even more difficult to actually believe and live.

Let’s see it’s taken me 28 years to learn this lesson, but to be honest, it’s only been within the last year that I’ve truly learned it. To figure out what makes me happy, fulfills who I am as a person with or without anyone else in my life. A hard lesson, no doubt, but a very important one.

It’s also one of the reasons why if you’ve been following my blog, you saw a large gap of time where I wasn’t writing anything. I couldn’t. I did write in journals to try and process what I was going through, and I realized how much I enjoy writing. It’s a creative outlet. It’s a way to share my experiences with others.

And hopefully, we can all help each other learn and navigate our crazy lives because whatever we’re feeling, we’re not alone in feeling it.

True story.

Photo taken by me on the open road in Colorado

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Have you ever seen the Rocky films? Silly question right?!?

Before this week, I had never seen one Rocky film. One of the TV channels was showing the Rocky films (there are 6, and were showing each movie in order throughout the week). I can honestly say I’ve never looked forward to going home and watching TV like I did this week, nor have I ever watched the aMC channel so much.

After watching the first two, I started realizing each Rocky film carries lessons. I’m going to attempt to figure out the lessons from the Italian Stallion and share it with you, why? Well, why not. (Side note: Sylvester Stallone wrote all six Rocky films and even directed the majority of them, never knew he was so talented.)

Lessons learned from the first Rocky film: (here are some fun facts about the film)

  • Go the Distance – All Rocky wants is to ‘go the distance’ with Apollo Creed – to prove he’s worthy, that he’s not another ‘neighborhood bum’ = there’s a time in everyone’s life where we’re looking to prove ourselves to others, but mostly to ourselves = Self worth
  • Relationships are important – friends, mentors/coaches, love interests and yes, even boxing enemies not only play a huge role in Rocky’s life, but they prove to be relationships that stay with him, the good and bad ones, throughout his career = sometimes we may not know why folks come into our lives and stay in our lives, but there’s a reason for it = Relationships are a part of who we are
  • Love – it’s innocent, pure, gentle and sweet, what Rocky develops for Adrian is nothing less than that = remember a crush, then finding out how the other person felt about you, then spending more time together, and that time blossoming into a love, admiration and respect for the other person = Love should always be cherished and remembered as a most genuine emotion and ability

Photo Courtesy of moviesineedtosee.wordpress.com
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Reflection: My Brother

I will continue to love my family and appreciate every moment we have together for who knows when that time could change into only memories. In 2009, my brother got married and is still just as happy as the day he met his beautiful wife. A love, I believe, that will stand the test of time.

It’s been hard adjusting to the fact that my brother no longer lives in Colorado, but I’m so happy for him. He’s doing big things… trust me.

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